Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Going Back

Up this morning. Do NOT want to go back to treatment. First, doing 10 hours per day is exhausting. I have not done 10 hours of anything for months. All of the questions and emotions and eating new things - any one of them would have been enough to put me through the wringer. All together, they just ripped me up.

Secondly, it is hard to have to tell your story over and over in one day to several different people. The nurse. The psychiatrist. The dietician. The counselor. And every time one of them says, "wait, back up... you did this why?", I feel like they are questioning my honesty or why I think I have a problem. Most likely those thoughts never entered their heads, but that does not mean it did not enter my head.

Thirdly, I do not want to eat any new foods again. But that promises to be part of my day.

Conclusion: I do not want to go back. But I am going.

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